‘’ The determining factor in whether couples feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, according to 70% of people, the quality of their FRIENDSHIP with each other. ‘’- Life Hacker
Why are dinner and movie dates seen as the most classic date night experience?
Could it possibly be because we recognize the need for undistracted communication and also for being engaged in exciting entertainment? Perhaps. What we know for sure though is that in a busy world often we resort to it as it seems such an almighty task to conceptualise brand new ways to connect with our partner once date night comes around.
I know! I’ve been there and I also have experienced first hand how detrimental a predictable dating life can be. I’ve been in relationships that seemed to require minimal dating effort (dinner and movies), only to find that they were a huge contributing factor to a break up due to feeling disconnected and unsure.
Of course at the time these dates appeared to be a great choice for both parties who found themselves just wanting to ‘chill together’ after a busy day at work. Well the spark certainly did cool off and at the cost of discovering and cultivating true intimacy! We would part ways assuming the relationship was not ‘just not the right fit’, Wondering how we ‘never managed to successfully join two different lives’, ‘ were not able to talk and connect on a deep level’ ‘ Or pursue each others interests’.
" So much connection can be lost in what could have been a wild dating extravaganza, chocka full with a variety of shared experiences which could have served as book marks and highlights of a connected life. "
Life Hacker discovered that happy couples reported spending 5 extra hours being together and talking. According to the same survey the determining factor in whether couples feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, according to 70% of people, the quality of their FRIENDSHIP with each other.
Once I realized that ‘minimal effort’ translated as ‘everyday life routine’ I was able to see that a relationship needs out of the norm experiences to thrive.
Now that might sound obvious but you’ll want to know this: The feelings of spontaneity and excitement directly reflect onto the person with whom you share those experiences. Meaning also that if you engage in repetitive, predictable dates the emotions produced directly attach themselves to you and your partner.
Shared memorable experiences bring you both closer and remind you why you are together.
" However there is a problem if after casting your mind back over your time together all that you can think of is average moments and surface level conversations. Chances are that even those memories may have disappeared or become blurry due to the inactivity of your interactions. "
Now that’s a shame! But it doesn’t have to be this way. I am proof! I decided never again to fall into the same pattern of minimal effort dating and since then I have enjoyed real intimacy, connection and living life to the full.
5 unique ways you can date someone
(so that you give your relationship a real shot at happiness…)
# Be inquisitive.
You can be unique in the way you date someone by pretending you don’t yet know him or her. Even if you have been dating years or are already married and feel that you know the answer to every question, life changes us all and adjusts our views, so ask your partner again what their dreams are or what they believe about the world; you might be surprised how much you can become reacquainted with.
# Be playful.
Another effective way to date someone is to tap into your inner child, its present inside all of us. We enjoy games, competition, joking, teasing and varying degrees of silliness. Playfulness is one of the most attractive qualities in a person and another way to show affection to your partner. It conveys attraction to who they are. This draws them closer as it reveals how valued they are in your eyes.
# Be creative.
Cast your mind back over your most memorable experiences. What do they have in common? I bet its one of two things. Either it was a new experience with that person or it was a one of a kind experience, such as your first time in a hot air balloon or scuba diving. Good news though; not every date has to be expensive to be memorable but the principle can be applied. Think of something new. Perhaps rather than going bowling you will make your own ten-pin bowl using milk cartons and various balls found around the house. Or have a picnic, but throw in a memorable element by blindfolding and feeding your partner various treats, which they must guess correctly.
# See your partner in different settings.
When you’re dating your aim is to get to know that person. The way to do that is to see them in a variety of settings; when they are excited, nervous, funny, scared, fun etc. as it allows you to access and connect to all that they are and cultivate a deeper connection. Even if you have been dating for years or are married inject your relationship with this principle.
# Discover your partners love language.
Gary D. Chapman wrote a book called the 5 love languages. In which he explains how there are 5 universal ways to give and receive love. Touch, words of affirmation, gifts, time and acts of service. Each person has these languages in their own pecking order, meaning they are wired to respond best to one or two over the others. It is possible to identify which one your partner values the most by observing which one they frequently give to you. We give in the way we want to receive. So as a time lover you may feel extremely loved up after a romantic stroll in the woods but your partner would actually have felt those exact feelings if perhaps you had decided to wash the dishes for them after they had made a meal instead.
Here is an example of a date that has the wow factor, including all of the dating principles above…
Take each other out into a nearby town or city where you have large chain stores such as Debenhams, Topshop/Topman, BHS; stores which have both men and women’s clothing departments. Here comes the fun part, its time to tell each other your own measurements, down to your shoe size. Your partner is going to go off and find an outfit that they think would look amazing on you plus an outfit that they think that you personally would love. Meanwhile you are doing the same thing for them. Set a time limit and agree to meet at the changing rooms.
Do all the above only this time pick out the worst outfit for each other. Once your partner or friend has emerged from the changing room wearing your chosen outfit, snap a picture and then upload it to Facebook asking friends to help you decide who has picked the worst outfit whilst you head to your favourite coffee shop. The Loser buys the coffee!
So now we have covered the out of the norm experience, (which will stick in your memories) its time to infuse your conversation with questions designed to get you talking and learning about each other. Such as, ‘what do you wish you could do right now but can’t?’ ‘Who has the greatest influence in your life?’ ‘What skill took you the longest to learn?’ or ‘would you want yourself as a friend? Why or why not?’ These are a few examples of questions you probably would have loved to have been asked before but find people so often stick to common surface level questions. They will also give you a huge insight into your partner or friend in a fun, natural way.
- This date is 1 of 8 featured in # The Dating Challenge
So go explore the world, each other and make your relationships count!